I wasn’t sure that I wanted to write about this; not because I didn’t want to raise awareness, I just didn’t want people to know or to pity me.
In a way I also feel embarrassed; embarrassed that my body couldn’t grow a baby like it once had.
It is now 6 weeks since the 15th of October, the day I lost the chance to be a Mum again, and unbelievably that day also happened to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I hadn’t even told my husband that we were expecting……
I was 5-6 weeks along, which made me feel like I was only just pregnant and that I shouldn’t be upset. I felt that I couldn’t allow myself to feel like it was enough to be sad about, but for some reason all I could feel was sadness. With hormones running high and the feeling of loss in my heart, I couldn’t understand why this happened to me.
After doing some research, I found that miscarriages are statistically common, with nearly 10-20% of pregnancies experiencing miscarriages within the first trimester.
THE WORD MISCARRIAGE SUCKS
No, I did not mis-carry my baby, in fact, I held onto that life with every fibre on my being. The prefix implies: bad or wrongly… which so many of us apply to ourselves. Those words like; I was bad, I did wrong, this is why the baby died. Sadly, the truth is that many of us going through a miscarriage feel these things, even if we don’t say it out loud. We start to second guess everything we did; I shouldn’t have eaten that tuna or was it that one extra cup of coffee, or that yoga session or the way I laid on my back when I fell asleep. It’s hard to wrap your mind around the fact that a term like “miscarriage” isn’t a defining one for the person who goes through it. Processing a miscarriage can be extremely challenging on the relationships in our life because the woman often harvests guilt over the loss.
(Written by Jenna Kutcher).
I guess the reason that I wanted to create this blog was to remind anyone that has experienced or is living through a miscarriage, that you are not alone.
I want to remind you that you are not alone. Be gentle with yourself and in time you will feel better; although you may not “get over it”, your body will heal and with time, so will your mind.
If you know of someone who has or is experiencing a miscarriage, I pray that you stand by them, grieve with them, and celebrate the life that they provided a home for, while on this earth!
Written by, Taeghan Madden.